Last moments in Latvia

Disko was fun last night. We looked cute and we danced a long time :D We went with Inga and her boyfriend showed up and his friend and his woman. And then a random guy at the disko came and introduced himself to the fellas and danced in our little circle (when we go at a group we typically dance in a circular pattern, but with variation i.e. couples pairign up or the ladies cluming together etc.). so yes. He was a frickin' soldier ( not in the literal since...). I figured he was lookin' for a woman and since we were in a group with guys he could infiltrate our group casually and it was clear two of us were manless for the evening and so he could slowly make a move on whoever seemed less guarded. that is how I saw it.... Ah, my strange, probably unhealthy view of the dating scene. Veronika later told me he had his eye on me all night... I dunno maybe. Anyways. would approach our group like 40 times or more. When slow dancing occured Oleg, Inga's boyfriend, grabbed Veronika and starting dancing with her like th efunny goof he is and guy-who-told-me-his-name-but-I-did-not-hear-it (GWTMHNBIDNHI for shortish) swooped in and asked me to dance. I said no, but the soldier that he is he stood there and asked like 4 times until I said yes. So we danced for like maybe 20 seconds and the song stopped. He said something in a dissapointing tone and stayed by me in the circle for a while and then left telling be bye and touching my stomach as he left. everytime he came back he stood by me in the circle, usually between me and Veronika, which was a good strategic move because like 60% of the time I was dancing I had eyecontact with her... partially to avoid my eyes absent mindedly falling on him and giving him hope. When Veronika and I sat down she asked me abotu him and said he'd been lookign at me all night and she seemed geniunely dissapointed that I hadn't noticed. about thay time he came and sait by us but I told her that it wasn't like he could hear our convo anyways so we continued. To be honest I was in this strange defensive mode out of habit. I am used to creepers tryign to dance with me. This guy seemed normal, but hey this is protocol. plus it was my last night in D-pils. We went out to have fun together, not to dance with boys we'd never see again in our lives. anyways she forgot his name too. He sat by me for quite soem time, but I never made eycontact withthe poor guy and after like 3 hours of tactfully pursuing me he gave up... right when I was about to give in too, so it is a good thing for me he gave up. anither thing is my Russian sucks, and it was crazy loud so add that in the equation and there was no chance a conversation was going anywhere. poor GWTMHNBIDNHI... he never had a chance, and through no fault of his own at that.
Oh, before we got to the club, we drank a bottle of this AMAZING homemade liquor mom makes and it was so Russiany. 3 lovely ladies on a frozen park bench in the middle of soviet style apartment everything covered in snow dirnking homemade liqour in some plastic cups we'd bought as a grocery store before we went clubbin. :) That was all the alchohol I had that night and just went fro watter from there on out, so yeah Jesus for moderation!

Anyways, I;ve got like.... 6 hours in 30 minutes in Latvia... so I better strt packin'. I'll see you playas on the flip side.

Last Few Days in Latvia

I dunno how long this note is gonna be and expect plentiful typos because I don't plan on editting. sorry I haven't been posting. But ont he up side I have talked to my mommy almost every day this week and my papi pretty darn frequently too... I suppose I just considered that my outside world communication time and called it a day. yesterday I went to my old school and saw alot of my old teachers and the director (like the principal, who was also my Russian teacher when I was there). And I met Annlise there. Annlise was in Latvia when I was under the same program as me at theh same school, only she stayed all year instead of only half like me. She is french Belgium, and has made it back to Latvia 3 or 4 times since she studied there (DANG EUROPEANS!!!! it sucks that they can all go back for like 60 dollars, where as is costs me 1200.... or more). At the school they introduced us to the German student studying there now. and after about 2 or more hours at the school (probably more close to 3) I asked if he wanted to walk around with us an dhe said yes. So the 3 of us went to city center cafe and Annlise and I shared a Margerita pizza, and we each got the hot chocolate and water. He invited his belgium friend who is also studying here. HE was may amazed that we spoke so well, and his russian seemed really rudimentary.... although the fact that he thought I was good at Russian is a dead give-away that he may not now just how badly I am speaking. I had told Veronika that I would eat Kebabs with her and she called me just as we got the Pizza and asked if I still wanted to.. OF COURSE. so she met us at the cafe and I said goodbye to the kiddos and Veronika and I walked to Kebabs and ate more deliciousness. yum...

Today Veronika and I am Mama woke up early and went to gather supplies primarily for Veronika's departure for Riga, and a few things for my departure too. I had gotten my picture taken, but the picture was glossy and I needed matted pictures.... grrr. why are th eRussian authorities such sticklers??? does it really matter I ask? We also got me 1000 RUBLES. haha I am a thousandaire.... ah yes... It will be weird getting used to Rubles. I am already so used to Lats, it will suck to have to make another shift.

I have been reading World War Z like a fiend. Man I love it. Man I love zombie stuff. *sigh of bliss* A few nights in which I couldn't sleep I snuck out of the bedroom with my book and read alone in the Kitchen as the only person on that half of the house and the only one awake. I know I should stop when I think I hear things outside.... I try to stop around then, but it doesn't always happen. I but what sucks is that I think when I read stuff in English is screws with my Russian. Yeah, after this and Alcoholic Empire (which I think I am gonna read little by little) I think I am gonna have to really cut back on readign any Englishg except for like th eBible and other nessecities.

So, I go to Russia tommorrow. WHOA. I am not ready to write that sentence. nope. Not ready at all. Like every 2-5 minutes that I am with Baushka she says "and you leave tomorrow." And I chide her and tell her she doesn't need to say that. It sucks that I am leaving. It sucks alot. But it is so amazign I am going to Russia. So inconcievably wonderful.

haha. if it makes you guys feel better I can tell you that I blog more frequently than I bucket... ah hygeine, how irrelevant you are to me... how I hope I don't keep this up in Russia. The good news is they are gonna banya before I leave tomorrow so I will be as close to squeeky clean as I can get under these circumstances. and I washed today, so I'll be double clean.

Tonight Veronika and I are going to the disko. yea! Be in prayer. Gettign anxious. Oh, they are going to pick me up at the train station! hooray!! I am supposed to go to a "social" church associated with the rehab on sunday at 1800. I am kinda nervous. what if I have an off day and my Russian sucks and they evaluate me by that? I knw that God's got it, but the thoughts kee coming. I am also concerned a bit because it gets dark early and I won't knwo the city at all and feel shady abotu walking around alone at night. But it is a church, so maybe they'll walk me home... or I dunno, God's got it. SO many creeping anxieties... so many thought to refute or resort to repressing.. I'm gonna go read the Bible. peace playas.

Another near fainting Spell.

Today at Church, when the service was almost done and we were all kneeling, I again felt very warm. So, I unzipped my coat a little bit. Then I took off my scarf, and then I was still sweltering. It was so sudden. And in fact at the time I think I was thanking God for healing me because my sinuses and throat again feel normal. Then, I could feel myself grow pale and my eyesight became blotchy. I looked at Veronika and told her in Russian that I felt very hot… as if I might faint. So She asked if I wanted to go outside and I said yes. We left the church and I said I needed to lay down in the car. She guided me there. I am fairly confident that I looked drunk… at any rate, we made it to the car, she got it unlocked and I lay down there in the back seat. She waited around a bit and then went back into the church once I assured her that all was well. No sooner did she leave that she came back because the service was over. Yupp. Strange things are afoot within this tent of mine (for those of you who don’t know… that is frequently what I call my body, particularly when it is reminding me of how temporal it is). We have been playing with some ideas. Mama has thrown out the hypothesis that perhaps my body is reacting to all the pills I used to take the last time I was here… I find this hypothesis unlikely… but possible. I wondered if perhaps I am dehydrated…. Veronika find that unlikely because I do drink quite a lot of chai…. Mama has considered that perhaps it is just because I have been sick, and indeed I did have some sinus issues and those are known to cause light-headedness. I comically offered the possibilitiy that I have become narcoleptic and not so comically mentioned that perhaps I have developed diabetes. But in short, Veronika and the whole family was quite concerned. Veronika is concerned about what my happen if I go out on my own somewhere and have a “fainting spell.” I am not so concerned. I can handle crap situations pretty well, and God always enjoys helping me. Perhaps it is nothing to be worried about. Since I was fairly young I have experienced light-headedness which I attributed to low blood pressure, and am swift to lay down and take care of business. Were it not for the fact that I had in fact fainted a few months earlier I would have kept kneeling and assumed it would pass, as I have occasionally done in the past. Veronika would like me to get it check out as soon as I get to St. Pete and see what their Student health program is like, and Mama suggested I get a blood analysis.
But enough about that.
I am still sleeping loads. As I said I feel better. I prayed very specifically for healing yester and I fully believe the Lord answered my, and all of your prayers in one beautiful and swift moment and since then it has been getting better rapidly.
I am working on reading Alcoholic Empire it is about Imperial Russia and its relationship to Alcoholism. It is quite interesting, but I haven’t been able to maintain an attention span. :( So, I did a lot of stumbling upon today  and I ate 3 sirki! Yea!!!
Yesterday the Lord was awesome (as per usual), and really knocked down my giant of pride by using Breaking Free as His refining tool. I feel very empowered by the Lord in this area and know I must constantly be on my guard, but I no longer feel like it will inevitably rule my life for all eternity. Today Great Aunt Vera went to church with us, and my other Aunt is over too. I discussed with them the differences between “Baptists” and Catholics. From personal experience and from what I have heard from my sources in Russia, there seems to be this strange stigma against Baptists and in fact all Protestants who are often lumped into the category of “Baptist.” Yeah. I have heard things like they worship the moon, and my friends from St. Pete heard they offer blood sacrifices, but whatever rumor you hear, you may be sure we are a cult and a nasty one at that. So for the purpose of this conversation I strongly stressed the similarities between Catholicism and Protestantism. The main differences I outlined were that we don’t pray to the saints and that our pastors can marry.
Actually, I don’t think I told you guys… NO, I didn’t. A couple of days ago Babushka and I had a lengthy religious discussion. We discussed what the priest said last Sunday about praying that we would only have one faith. And so it got us on the topic of the differences between Catholics and Protestants. Actually, it brought us to the topic of why I am not Catholic. She took the sermon as meaning that everyone will be Catholic soon if all goes well, which might have been how it was presented, how should I know? So, I told he that I don’t believe it is right to pray to saint, and that I only pray to God and Jesus. She said I should pray to Mary, and I said that doesn’t make since because she was just a person, a person blessed by God, and a person who knew Jesus, but just a person. She said she was mother to Jesus, I said yes… and no. Yes she was mother to Jesus, but he existed before she did and I quoted John as best I could in Russian “in the beginning was word…” etc. so, she of course agreed to that and then I said, that I know God loves her, but he also loves me, so he will listen to me just as much as he did her, so I don’t need to pray to her when I can just pray to God. She tried a few times to explain why I should pray to her, but she never seemed to say much more than just that I should. So I said that if I don’t understand, and I don’t believe it is good, how can I pray to her? And she agreed. Then I said that I am also not catholic because eI don’t think the Pope is always right and that he too is just a person. She still said that everyone needs to become catholic, but we couldn’t resolve how people like me could become catholic if we don’t believe in the Pope, or in Praying to Mary. She said he Catholic church is the first Church and that we all came from it (thus we should go back to it). I tried to take us a step back. I ran and got my Bible. Then I started at this distant point, saying that Judaism was the first true religion and that Jesus was a Jew. She of course agreed. Then I said that the foundation of the Catholic Church was after the Bible was written, and that we should all try to be like the Bible. I made it clear to her that I didn’t think Baptists completely got it right, and that I didn’t think Catholics completely got it right, but I also don’t think either of them got it all wrong. Then I said that all we know about the first Church, is what is in the Bible and that is what we should all try to be like. I then read (rather slowly and with some help from Babushka) Acts 5:32-35 to her and said that is what we know of the first church. And I said that what is written there cannot be said of her church (fully), and cannot be said of my church (fully) either. And that this is one way we know we are not right. She seemed interested in this notion and it gave her pause. But the conversation ended with me joyously proclaiming (whether in the Spirit or not… but I certainly hope so) that since then we have one God, and One Bible, we also have one Faith. That if Baptist love Catholic and Catholics love Baptists and we know we have one God, then we truly will be one. And that we already did what the Priest has told us to pray for. Glory to God!
This made babushka smile, but probably not for the same reasons I was smiling and the conversation ending with Babushka telling me I will become Catholic…. Maybe I’ll marry a catholic man she said.
Anyways, so based on these two conversations (the one with Babushka and the one with Veronika that I wrote about in a different blog), we had this third conversation with my aunt, Babushka, Veronika and me in which my aunt asked what baptists (thus all protestants remember) believe. So I only mentioned a few points: we don’t pray to the saints and that our pastors can marry. Then I again mentioned we have the same Bible and the same God. My aunt told me that we have a different Bible, but both Veronika and Babushka backed me saying that they had seen my Bible and it was the same as theirs. From there the conversation wandered all over the place including whether Cherith’s was in a Church, and many other strange rabbit holes. (btw Cher and Ferg when Veronika and Lyuda saw your wedding pictures they were amazed and said it was just like the movies :D I thought that was cute!)
About these theological discussions: I realize I am probably less educated than most of you reading this blog on the matters of theology. If I have said something you feel if fundamentally wrong, please tell me in love and show the scripture to help me understand. Despite all of the time the Lord has given me to prepare for the ministry He informed me that He has planned for me, so very long ago (wow… was I really called to the ministry 7 or more years ago????), I have squandered a lot of time that I could have spent in the Word and in preparation. I also am stubborn and no the brightest crayon in the box. In short my style lends towards more of a fly by the seat of your pants type ministry… which is EXTREMELY UNFORTUNATE. I do spend time in the Word daily (although I occasionally let a day go… once a month or two ): ). But I tend to devote little to no time to specific theological study, and tend to let such things just come up whether in RUF, Bible study, Church, Bible readings, of conversations and dig into the scripture and theology of it as needed or as is interesting. In short, I probably say stupid things, correct me if you can, pray for the hearts of those who talk to me, pray for wisdom for me, and pray that I am led by the Spirit when I speak, and shut my mouth when I ought (a chronic problem for me). I will try to be diligent to pray the same. 
So yes…. I have little more to say for now, sorry that this blog post wasn’t organized… I was going to say very well, but I actually gave no thought to the organization of it so I should say at all. But I would like to leave you with a wonderful prayer the Lord blessed me with Yesterday also from the Valley of Vision:
“Morning”
COMPASSIONATE LORD,
Thy mercies have brought me to the dawn of another day,
Vain will be its gift unless I grow in grace,
increase in knowledge,
ripen for spiritual harvest.
Let me this day know thee as thou art,
love the supremely,
serve the wholly,
admire thee fully.
Through grace let my will respond to thee,
Knowing that power to obey is not in me, but
that thy free love alone enables me to serve thee.
Here then is my empty heart,
overflow it with thy choicest gifts;
Here is my blind understanding,
chase away its mists of ignorance.
O ever watchful Shepherd,
lead, guide, tend me this day;
Without thy restraining rod I err and stray;
Hedge up my path lest I wander into unwholesome pleasure,
and drink its poisonous streams;
Direct my feet that I be not entangled in Satan’s secret snares,
nor fall into his hidden traps.
Defend me from assailing foes,
from evil circumstances,
from myself.
My adversaries are part and parcel of my nature;
They cling to me as my very skin;
I cannot escape their contact.
In my rising up and sitting down they barnacle me;
They entice with constant baits;
My enemy is within the citadel;
Come with almighty power and cast him out, pierce him to death,
and abolish in me every particle of carnal life this day.

I was blessed to pray it again as I wrote it and I hope and pray it blesses and enriches you too!
Plus I didn’t know barnacle could be a verb, and that is pretty cool.

some things and kebab

I don’t seem to be the best at updating with any regularity. Things I have achieved (praise the Lord who enabled me): finish the remaining testimony translations for the narcostop.org website (feel free to check it out. The remaining 2 translations are not yet posted. It will start out in Russian to click the en by the UK flag), and Finish Hammer, the Armand Hammer Autobiography. :) Both of these were done by Tuesday. I honestly don’t know how that all got done, so all I can do is praise God for it. But, as I was finishing it Veronika asked me, “And what will you do tomorrow?” And I rattled of some stuff, but since then I haven’t really done any of it. I have been sick. Not too terrible sick, but just sick enough to be slightly cranky, apathetic and lethargic. Mama has been supplying Veronika and I with plenty of cures, pills, and potions. The worst and best of which is a dark brown bottle filled with a mixture of vodka and ground honeycomb. I cannot describe how badly it burns nor how awful it tastes. But it seems to coat my throat (and mouth, lips, or hands if I am not careful) with this layer of waxy vodka which no doubt protects it from the elements, while curing it, however vodka cures it. It really is surprisingly effective.
Yesterday Vitalik and I went into town and bought a wireless router and ate at Kebabs (my favorite restaurant in town). It was way fun. We met up with one of his friends after taking the маршрут to town. And the three of use together went to some shops until we found a wireless router and I bought it. Then we said thanks and good bye to his Friend and Vitalik and I proceeded to go to Kebabs and eat our fill. I froze up when trying to order so he spoke for me. And then I bought it (I really wanted to treat him to something and we eat out SO infrequently here I decided this was a good way, Veronika and I hope to do the same thing next week when she is not so busy and her exams are over). Vitalik told me that the ladies working behind the counter (who are always young and attractive because I’ve heard tell that the owner is a perv) think that Vitalik is no good because I bought everything. And for this reason, I assume, when I offered to buy him some gum on the way home he told me what kind to get but wouldn’t go into the store with me to get it. This is the first time in my recollection that Vitalik has ever been seen in public with me with the sole exception of my own birthday party (I think the reason for this is twofold a) guys and girls don’t seem to hang out one on one together unless they are dating here and b) I am his older sister and it is assumed that I, like Veronika, wouldn’t be interested in hanging out with him and his “little” friends). Afterward Vitalik installed it himself and we now have wifi (thanks to Mami and Papi Rice).  haha. On the bus ride there and back Vitalik kept making little farting sounds with his mouth with the intention of blaming me for it, but I blamed him for it first and made kind of a big deal about the “terrible smell,” which he got a huge kick out of. Ah, in the 2 years I have been gone it is nice to know that neither of us have matured :) .
Today, to fight my illness, I didn’t set an alarm so I slept until 12. Then Veronika came home and we ate and then watched Cruel Intentions which Vitalik like LOVES, but I pretty well hated. When I told Vitalik tonight that I had watched it and didn’t like it he got kinda huffy, but since I do the same thing when people don’t like the movies I love I certainly can’t blame him. By the end of the movie Veronika was asleep, so I laid down and tried to sleep to, I am not sure whether I slept or not, but I peacefully rested until like 530, ate again, and then laid around some more. Yeah, today wasn’t so productive. Mama and Veronika sell Avon to Veronika and I brought some Avon stuff over to our Aunt and then went to go pick Mama up from work at in Kalkuna. Before getting in the care I officially slipped and fell on the ice, my first and doubtfully my last time for this trip. Since the roads by our house are dirt roads is gets CRAZY slick here. Heck, it even get crazy slick on the asphalt. Yesterday I had to hold onto Vitalik’s arm on the way home from the bus stop yesterday :)to stabilize myself. So on these crazy slick Roads on the way to pick up Mama, Veronika and I saw a large black object that looked like a dumpster in the middle of our side of the road and there was a car coming from the opposite direction. We were approaching it fast and Veronika skillfully brought us to a stop on the ice about 2 feet away from the object. What we saw was a drunk man, kneeling down in the middle of the road with his back turned to the oncoming traffic. He was wearing a black coat, so we barely saw him in time. That was interesting. I told Veronika she had done a good job averting that crisis and we agreed that that was a horrendous situation and she said in Russian of course “Well, what can I do if he doesn’t want to live?” and we carried on our way with each of our hearts beating a little faster.
A couple of days ago Jesus and I when on a 2.5 mile walk around the neighborhood. IT was fun and I saw some weird things including a horse and a man with a rifle slung over his arm, which if you didn’t know guns are about as legal here as they are in Britain. I got a picture of the horse, but I opted against taking a picture of the rifle man. I am afraid I wasn’t very attentive to my walking partner and I don’t remember anything He said or whether He was talking at all, but He is a pretty patient one and hopefully I’ll learn how to listen with some help from Him. I went on the walk partially because Papa, Mama, and Babushka have been recommending I take one for quite some time now since I just sit at home all of the time. Well, they often recommend me take a walk, but sometimes warn me that I could more easily go ice skating on the road (which is basically the local version of “you could fry an egg on the pavement”). I took the walk before I was really feeling sick on a day that wasn’t very slippery, so it was most pleasant.
Love you kids, I’ll try to work on Regularity, but it never has been one of my strengths. :)

Just because I am posting quickly now, does not mean you don't have to comment of yesterday's blog!

Sunday
Well, Veronika is sick, the poor dear. She has a big exam tomorrow too. Her throat hurts and she has a headache. She has been needing to do a lot of studying but she keeps taking “15 minute naps” that end up being more like 2 hour naps (or 8 hour mini comas if you will). She and I just downed some Airborne. I am not sick yet but since I live and sleep with her I guess I better be on guard. Today at church a little girl read the scripture about how Samuel was called by the Lord as a young boy. I love that verse! And the priest said that today the church is praying that everyone would believe one faith, instead of all of the different denominations and sects being scattered and disagreeing so much. And he talked about how Martin Luther was the first to translate the Bible into something the commoners could understand. I didn’t understand all he said, since it was of course in Russian and I am after all a foreigner, but it was strange. I very much wanted to be in on my guard about the whole ordeal and had to pray a lot for humility. I couldn’t agree more that it would be AMAZING if we could all agree on this TRUTH of who Christ is and how we need Him (which we essentially do all agree upon). I am also surprised he spoke rather positively about Martin Luther. He of course spoke against the Reformation in that it destroyed the unity of the Church, but I totally agree that that was a TERRIBLE aspect of the reformation. But none the less I was expecting him to say something harsh or untrue about Protestantism, and since I didn’t exactly understand all of the nuances of his speech, I to this moment don’t really know if he did. But, oh well, it is not like I could do anything about it if he did. 
It is interesting that this was the primary topic of discussion because yesterday Veronika and I were talking about this very thing. She asked me what is the difference between Catholics, Baptists, Methodists…. I took a long pause, and she continued with saying, “we all believe in the same Bible don’t we? We believe in the same Christ?”
“Yes. There are really only little differences: We don’t have a Pope,” I said (all of this was in Russian).
“Is that all?” she said.
“No, We don’t pray to the saints, just to God and Jesus. and are churches aren’t pretty, so that…”
“I know, we have people like that here too.”
“And I can’t take communion at a Catholic church, because I am not catholic, but you could take it at my church… um…”
“And you do have communion too?”
“Yes.”
“With what?”
“Well, with bread and either wine or grape juice depending on the Church. Oh and we believe you have to invite Jesus to live in your heart (although I didn’t say this, but I think that is a sort of bull in a way. Nowhere in the Bible does it use that terminology, and I understand why we use it, but that isn’t really the clincher of salvation). Oh and Baptists don’t baptize babies. You have to believe first before you can be baptized. And we baptize… uh… maybe in a River… and like this (I acted it out because I don’t know the Russian word for submerged)… all. Oh, and when we pray it is like we are just talking to God, we don’t really read our prayers, but if you want to you can too (and I told her about my Valley of Vision book).”
That was really as far as we got because we were having Chai at the time and Vitalik came home and was singing and listening to music, and the last part of the convo was talked over him, but it trailed off eventually. But she and I agreed it was stupid that some Baptists abhor Catholics and vice versa and when I said I’d go to any church that is trying to believe the truth and Love God whether Baptist or Catholic or Orthodox, and that I disagreed and agreed with everyone an d felt that what was most important was reading the Bible and seeking the truth on my own and then learning from what God told others, she whole heartedly agreed. Then she asked me if I was Baptist because my parents are Baptist I said sort of, except now I am Presbyterian, which is different, but kinda like Baptist. One thing I thought that was really cool was when I was talking about how I don’t think I will ever find a church that believes everything I do, when I said Catholics are wrong and Baptist are wrong, Veronika whole-heartedly agreed. This made my heart happy. I dunno why, I guess just because people tend to get in a lot of trouble when they take the spiritual teaching someone tells them as absolute truth without weighing them.
Oh, and because Veronika is sick I asked if I could pray for her healing. I had been praying about whether I should do it the whole time we were at church and felt confirmation about it. So After church I asked if I could and she said I could so I laid hands upon her and prayed. Her head and throat still hurts as of now, but I have faith he will answer that prayer still today, and would ask you all to pray for the same. 
Yup. That is life here at the Ranch. There is like half a foot of snow on the ground and it was so much fun to walk in today, especially at the cemetery where nobody shovels or sweeps it away. I think I might start going for daily walks in the delightful snow, and maybe God and I shall make them prayer walks. 
Keep your prayers up!!! I am feeling a lot closer to God than I have been, and I feel that a lot of that is your prayers, a lot of that is the prayers God has encouraged me to make, a lot of that is God’s word and Beth Moore’s Spirit-filled exegesis, and simple and undeserved Grace from the Lord. I hope all of it keeps up and even increases!!! 
Also I am less sure than I once was that the Church I went to when I was last in St. Pete is indisputably the one for me. It has nothing to do with the church itself. It has to do with providence and divine direction. You see I asked the Lord which church I should go to and I got the answer from something/one saying “you know,” and at the time I felt quite sure that meant this particular church. I specifically recall finding this to be an interesting answer from the Lord has never said that to me before. This, however, was during a time in which I was having an excessively difficult time with discernment. This voice passed the test in saying that is both worship and served the Lord, but I’ve been confronted with a sneak lately that says that but does not always offer good direction. This theologically befuddles me. The only thing I can figure is that it is the voice of my prideful self. This makes since because in general I do serve and worship the Lord Jesus Christ, I often am not proper in my discernment and at this particular time I was quite fully consumed with pride so it makes since that I would hear myself louder and more clearly than the Lord. Last night while praying about it I believe the peaceful and wise voice of the Lord came to me and say “You’ll see” to the same question. Form experience this sounds much more like the voice of the Lord. The Lord often says this to still my heart by assuring it of His presence, knowledge and caring, and at the same time calling me to rest in the Lord, and not worry about tomorrow. And the “You know” when analyzed under these circumstances sound all the more like pride, because naturally my prideful self would think that I know best. So I would thank you to pray for me further for discernment and that the Lord would destroy my pride, increase my prophetic gift and other gifts he would use for His glory, and mold me for His work and glory, live kenosis, and all of that stuff.  thank you!!! All prayers are more than welcome!
I love you all!!!!!!
I wrote this as a word doc and before I could post it, my aunt uncle and cousin came over and we had a birthday dinner for Vitalik in which we successfully ate a great deal of food and toasted Vitalik with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of wine. So much alcohol at every celebration, my poor little Baptist-raised self isn’t used to it. It was swell and I finally contributed to a conversation with my uncle (I have to warm up to people before I feel comfortable talking to them in Russian, but this time we were at my home instead of him and I saw him longer than I have on other occasions). I may be getting sick from Veronika, so in addition to my many toasts of wine I was to drink some vodka too. I only had a shot, and babushka wanted me to “vipitj” (to lazyto use Cyrillic) which as close as I can tell means get drunk or more literally “drink my fill” because that is their cure for the common cold and other mild illnesses. I am not kidding or exaggerating. Vodka is to Russians as Windex is to Greeks. ;)
I may have drank a little more than I would prefer, but I shall pray and see what God thinks about it.

Long time no... write

Hello, beloved.

Sorry I haven't written in so long, I wish I had a crazy story to make up for it or explain my absence but I have neither. I have been doing a lot of sitting around. I last left the house on Monday to buy my train ticket, if my memory serves me correctly. Yup. since then I have been doing fairly "idle" activities. I've been reading Armand Hammer's autobiography and reading about a chapter a day on average. I am still attempting to complete the goal Penny gave me to read it before I live there. I am on page 380 out of 526. Only God knows if I'll read it all before I get there, but in the meantime it is a serious pastime. I have translated another testimony just today, by the grace of God. It was a testimony of a mother whose daughter got treatment for heroin and they both ended up accepting Christ. It was quite interesting to me, especially since the mother was a devout Atheist and Soviet-style communist before the whole debaucle her daughter got in. The trouble was the whole thing was ridiculously colloquial. I am quite possitive that this is a transcription of a speech she gave at a conference and it is rife with and's and but's at the beginning of sentences and little idioms. It was quite difficult for me to translate in a cohesive way. I left in a lot of the ands and what not because it is not my job to edit but to translate, but the whole thing was at times difficult to decipher.

I have also been watching excessive amounts of movies. I showed Veronika the Russian dubbed Garden State. She showed me a 3 hour Russian movie about a guy who had to get married in a week to get his granfather's inheritance, so I showed her the Russian dubbed The Bachelor. Then I showed Vitalik the Russian dubbed Fight Club. At first He didn't get it and said it was stupid but after we discussed it a while he seemed to think it was swell enough. I would like to add that Veronika thought Garden state was crazy weird and Vitalik's mind was perhaps half-blown by Fight club. I've only ever seen them watch movies with quite elementary depth so it has been an interesting experiment to test out some of my favs on them. After Fight Club Vitalik said it reminded him of 2 other movies because they too were "strange." He and I proceeded to watch those 2 movies which were: Meet Joe Black, and Vanilla Sky. They were of course in Russian. Yesterday Veronika and I (and at times vitalik) watched Veronika's 3 hour graduation video. then I showed Veronika fight club. I told her Vitalik didn't understand it so she was determined not to say the same, but she was less that engrossed and said it wasn't interesting.

In other news, Veronika, Mama, and Babushka have all done my little happy bootie shake. I do it increasing amounts here. I dunno if it is because I am happy all the time or if it is because I have been so astoundingly physically inactive, or a mixture. It is adorable when they do it. When Veronika did Mama informed her that she was doing it too slow, and that she needed to do it faster. Babushka does it more with her arms that anything because she says her back hurts. Mama only has done it once and that was today. It made me so very happy (they all did). She did it once and then wasn't sure of herself so she did it again in front of the mirror in the hall. :) I love my family!!!

A couple of days ago, I think it was Tuesday night there was a "violent protest" in Riga. I believe we just call those riots. Anyways, Babushka was scared to death that morning. She cried and was frantic. I tried to calm her down and tell her everything would be alright but she flipped out all the more saying "How will it be alright when there are people coming home from work and children..." I told her that OU already warned me about it (which they had the night before) and I figured that if Oklahoma knows about it, and Babushka in Daugavpils knows about it, then the people in Riga know about it and will stay clear of the protest, and the police know about it and can protect the people. she argued that it would be a war between the police and the protesters, but at least by then she had stopped crying. She did have Mama call my aunt so that her son in Riga would be aptly warned. The next day she informed me that 40 people were injured and that one boy lost an eye. "No one died," she said, "but it is still a nightmare." I think it reminded her of the revolutions of old.

She and I have talked about the war (WWII) and she was 5 she when the war was in Belarus. She said she doesn't remember much but she remembers the Nazis being in the streets and she remembers her mom trying the save the family Icons from the Nazi soldiers. she reminded me that the Germans believe too, they just don't beleve right(aka they are not catholic). She started saying Germans were bad and talked about the atrocities of the war and the concentration camps she had heard of. I reminded her that Germans aren't bad, the Nazis were bad. she protested for a second. but I reminded her that Stalin was bad and did terrible things but I don't go around saying that Russians are bad. she agreed saying that Hitler was very, very bad, which we could readily agree upon. She and I have all kinds of interesting conversations. :)

Mama has asked me today if I will start teaching her how to use the computer. Of course I agreed. Veronika went on and on about how hard it was going to be. Well, really Veronika asked for mama. What I am pretty sure happened is that Mama asked Nika to teach her and Nika didn't think she'd have time since she is taking her exams so she pawned it on me. Well, I am none the less glad for it. It will be hard I am sure due to the language barrier, but we'll make it.

I have been able to read the Bible daily the last few days, praise the Lord, and have continued in Breaking free. it is getting pretty hard core pretty quick, which is my kinda study. I am SOOOO RIFE with sin. wow. I am continuously amazed by it, and even more amazed by God's grace and patience. Seriously. and Pride in particular consumes so much of my being and my life. ah! to live out Kenosis!! LORD, HELP ME!!!

Okay, now for the Russian section of today's digest. I have been messaging back and forth with Nonna about 2 times a day, and she has friended me. They live in a building that is almost 100 years old and very beautiful. She says I'll like the apartment very much. They have a dog, a spaniel named Nora, which reminds me of Nick and Nora and makes me happy. It also makes me happy because I have learned in class that Russians often name their animals American or English names and this appears to be such a case. Mama is a lecturer at the Institute and teaches in the creative studio where students sing, dance, and act. There is free internet at the Institute. they have intternet at home, but I don't think I'll be able to use it because you have to pay for it, I think by the KB. yeah. that kinda sucks, I am not sure if skype talking will be so much available to me. I dunno how I may handle that. It I can't talk to home I may get quite homesick, but the Lord will take care of me, and take care of those back home who will miss me too. who knows, maybe something will work out. School starts the 2nd and I get there the 1st. Hello, welcome to our country, what classes would you like, now GO TO THEM. I dunno it is quite the turn around but at least I have been speaking Russian a lot here. I feel sorry for Paige who has never lived in a Russian speaking country and will get in the night of the 1st. That sucks.

Man, I love the banya. and сырки. :)

ALSOOOOOO! I have been trying to track down that church that I went to on my short term mission to st. pete. I face book messaged Joey who gave me 2 two-year-old email addresses and the names of the people they belonged to and wished me luck. i emailed them both, and search for them on face book and sent a message to one of them. One of them responded! He said he went on a trip to plant the church and dedicated 4 years of his life to it. he and his family are now in New York for a year off and then will go back to St. pete. He said a different couple is there now and gave me their email. He also said they have moved to a different and larger restaurant as their worship location and that it is at the same metro (but what restaurant or how to get there from the metro i dunno). He also said when he goes back they will be working on a community center and drug and alcohol abuse will be one of their top priorities so if I am still their they may contract my help. Unfortunately they are to be coming back in late summer and I am currently planning(ish) on leaving late summer, but who knows what the Lord actually has in store for me. He said he hadn't heard of the Good Samaritan program (the one I will be working with) but would be interested in learning about them when he comes back. I emailed the new couple and they haven't responded yet.

I also vkontakte friended a girl my friend Gary said was nice and would be my friend at Nevsky and she and I have messaged a bit too.

I LOVE YOU ALLL! I gladly receive prayer requests and love it when you pray for me!!!

I am having trouble with spiritual discernment and could use your prayer about it!!

God bless!!

Host family

I know who my host family is and where they live. On Friday I emailed the institute and asked them if they knew yet, and what info they needed from me. My new family lives in a 3 room apartment less than a kilometer from the Institute. I won't even need to take the Metro there. And it seems I will have my own room. It is a Woman, Elena Borisovna, and her daughter, Nonna. Nonna is a student at Nevsky institute. I looked her up on vkontakte.ru which is the Russian facebook, and I send her a friend application and told her in Russian that I think I will be living with her this year, she responded in english :( and said that it is good to meet me an dI might live with her and asked which university I was going to attend. She didn't friend me... so I responded in Russian that I was attending Nevsky (which is the one her profile says she attends) and that the lady from Nevsky told me I was staying with her and that I am coming on the 1st. Well, I said it in more and better words. But by that time she was offline.
But that is exciting. I have an address, and a phone number and everything. Paige, the american gal who is also going, found out about her family today too. She is going to be living decently far away from me, like 7 kilometers. And my rehabe is like 14 kilometers away from where I live. But it is good that I live where I do, because Paige lives in the opposite direction of my Rehab. And the restaraunt in which the Church I visited 2 years ago Services were held is about half way between me and the rehab. But who knows if they still meet there. I am having a heck of a time finding someone who knows antyhing about that church. :( But I have been praying about it, and I do feel I need to pursue this church passionately, so that I shall do.
I've been on the web and google earth all day................ I should have been doing something more productive. :( I did work out a bit. I also got my train ticket. I also got my registration pics taken.
so, those are loads of m mind, but my pic might have needed to be non-glossy and they are glossy, so I dunno.....
...I hope I lose weight.
yeah. I need to go spend time in the word but I keep wanting Nonna to respond so I am like waiting for it... deah,deah,deah.

Sunday

The day of rest. We went to church this morning, cooked some food and ate it. Great aunt Vera is staying with us in Babushka's room. I thought Vera lived in Belarus, but she doesn't she lives in D-pils. ...yeppp. not alot going down here, although I did get to do another thing of breaking free. :) and I downloaded a version of the bible to my computer so now, I don't hav eto have the internet to read the Bible, I just need my laptop. The version I downloaded is NET. I've never heard of it before but the ones I had heard of are copyrighted (except for KJV which I am not really in the mood for). So, it is bound to be better than nothing. I am excited about it.
A couple days ago this verse struck me:
"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Galatians 6:14

Of course the bosting in the cross struck me, but I have heard that so oft. I know I struggle terribly with pride, and that I am sure I boast in plenty of things other than the cross, Lord help me. But what particularly struck me was the description of the cross: "...through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Just as the Word of the Lord is a two edged sword, the cross of the Lord is double acting, but the end result is a separation of that which it made pure by the blood of the lamb, and that which is still covered in sin, but in a way crucifying both. Interesting Jesus, Holy Spirit, and Paul. Interesting.

And today I read this Awesome prayer from the Valley of Vision puritan prayer collection book:

The Valley of Vision

LORD, HIGH AND HOLY, MEEK AND LOWLY,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see the in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.




AMEN! Is that not beautiful! Lord I love thee!!!!! And I love you all too!!! :)
God bless you today!

Swell

Today was grand. I got to talk to my parents for the first time since I got here, and I watched a delightful zombie movie. What more could a girl ask for on a Saturday? Oh, Yeah, so since it is Saturday it is banya day, and I didn’t faint or get light-headed or anything. And I got to do the second day of Breaking Free. Woo hoo. And I listened to some rockin’ RUF music (I am actually doing that right now)!! J
SO yesterday Veronika and I went to a club at like 10 or something…. As we were leaving, this guy that is crazy about Nika who works with Papa was drinking with Papa in the garage and he called us. It kinda annoyed Nika, and a bit ruined the party mood. He called her a bunch, and then Papa called to, the next thing I know I see Papa and this guy (Sasha) in a taxi pulling up next to us. They were good and drunk and papa got out and made Sasha get out, and told Vera that Sasha loved her and Papa got back in the taxi and drove off. So we were stuck with a drunk guy who likes Nika (and btw has a girlfriend). So we go to the bank as planned, and he follows us, and I dunno, he and Vera talk about something. He said he’d walk her back to her home, and she said we were gonna continue our walk (she didn’t wanna tell him where we are going), and that he should find a ride. We left him when he was on the phone to someone (I couldn’t tell who). We walked off to catch the tram. I think we were supposed to walk the whole way, but my feet were hurting… I was wearing chunky socks and each of the knits were digging into me…… yeah. I hate socks…. But this particular problem was not merely the socks’ fault. So we go by tram, pass the White Swan (it is a penitentiary and inexplicably one of my favorite places EVER), and go to this club, that apperhently has a really bad rap because Nika told be to not tell anybody we were there. Yeah, it wasn’t open yet so we stalled a bit. Then we went to the bathroom because the coat check wasn’t open yet, and I took off my socks and put them in my coat pockets. Then we check our coats and got some nasty fruit-juice mix thing… ew…. It reminded me of a Black Russian… plus juice. Ew. I didn’t drink it all. Then we went upstairs and I got some chips and a strawberry daiquiri, and she got a Screwdriver… we were seriously the only people there, well upstairs there were some people… but not many. So we went downstairs and danced. We were the only people dancing for at least 30-45 minutes. Then some other girls danced… then the left. Eventually people started dancing. It was goodtimes. People didn’t really bother us. Every now and then a guy would attempt to drunkenly communicate with us and we typically wouldn’t understand…. One time I understood and Nika didn’t!! yea for lack of grammar skills helping me understand drunk people!!! Anywho we danced a lot. And MY FEET WERE KILLLLLLING ME. I was wearing my rocking awesome stiletto boots, but they have this seam in them at the ball of my feet which very effectively induced blisters. There at the end I couldn’t move my feet at all…..I just shifted my weight and moved my body. I finally told Vera and she got peeved that I didn’t tell her sooner, so we left via taxi. It was a swell night. We left about 2 or so, which it pretty early, but I could barely stand at that point. We came home, had some chai, and went to bed. J
We found out today that Sasha didn’t go home, but somehow wound up in Griva, which is our part of town, and dropped and broke his phone. Then some guys asked him for a cigarette, but he couldn’t abide because he doesn’t smoke, so they got pissed at him withholding and mugged him and beat him up. I dunno what happened then, but he told Vera this online so I guess he got home ok eventually…. I dunno how without any money…
Today Vitalik is celebrating his b-day. The celebration started about 5 and will end tomorrow morning…. Also Vitalik went clubbin’ last night at the hippest club in town legally for the first time, and went into the VIP room because his friends work there. Yeah, and he got home at 7am. That kid. He didn’t ever formally invite me to his party tonight but he explained to me that he thought I would be crazy bored because they were all just gonna get shwasted and also he said his friends are so young I would feel weird. But while he explained all of this to me he did it with the deepest sincerity and concern that I would be offended for some reason. Ah, to be 18 in D-pils…..
It is way weird that Vitalik is the same age I was when I was here last.
Okay kids, those of you who are praying for me, this is what is up with spiritually. I am struggling spiritually for a few rather silly reasons…. I am really, really happy here. I have no responsibilities, I just chill all day and speak Russian and spend time with my darling family and watch Russian movies and listen to Russian music, and the closest thing I have to work is knitting Babushka’s scarf or doing some light translation. Seriously? Is this a mini-taste of Deah’s heaven? And I SUUUUUCK at seeking God when all is well. I feel normal when things are stressful and crap. I know I NEED this time of rest and I thank God for it, but it is making me SO spiritually lazy. I am not constantly being reminded of my need for God, which usually is the case. I know it is not that I need Him less it is just that I am more blind to it. Also, I am pretty much never alone in a room, and if I am it is at some level weird, and someone typically comes in and asks me why. This is a dream come true for my co-dependent self, but a crap-load less than ideal for my spiritual life. I would certainly prefer solitude to be with the Lord, but I honestly don’t know how to get it…. Pray that I find solitude. I did get some today, but even then I had to be on the computer to access the Bible which made it not seem as much like solitude to me for some silly reason, but it was AMAZING to be alone with God. :D
So, yes, pray that I am able to use this time of Rest and Peace for the Glory of the Lord, That I am able, by the grace of God, to dig into his Word, That through the grace of God I would be able to swiftly defeat any spiritual attacks that Satan has been or will throw my way (cause he has been working a sneaking in seemingly unobtrusive ways including attacking my thought life with “little” lies). So, if you would be so kind to cover me in prayer I will ALWAYS appreciate it. Just, If you ever get the time.
Ok kids, I guess this is long enough!! I love you all!!! Peace out!!!