Sleeps wanted

I don’t know if I can imagine being more tired. SO TIRED. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIRED. That is all I can write right now.

Haha. I don’t know when I wrote that, but since I saved it let it stand. … I think it might have been wither wed. or Thursday. Man am I beat, even now. And that is despite the fact that I woke up for the final time at about 2:30 pm. I’ll start with what happened today, Sunday, and go back from there. I LOVE JESUS!! HE IS MY LIFE AND MY EVERYTHING! I HAVE NOTHING BU THE LORD! This week I so shamefully neglected the Lord, or perhaps to put it better, neglected my need for HIM. The Lord is SO SWEET AND LOVING AND FORGIVING! Even though I am the one who always screws up, HE so lovingly pursues me and wins ME back. HA! I am amazed that is the exact opposite if any human relationship I have ever heard of. Last night I went to bed decently late because I came home from a birthday party, and as I went to bed I was trying to decide which church(s) to go to. [AW YEAH! I am listening to this cd that this guy at the Rehab office gave me and I just heard some Rockin’ harmonica and it just made my life] Anyways, the Central Baptist Church seemed a little too early for me (starts at 10 am and transit to anywhere takes TIME) but I was praying about it and opted for “Lord, if you want me to go, Wake me up.” … the Lord woke me up at about 7:30. I was not entirely pleased about it, and told God that I hope He realized that when I said wake me up if You want me to go, I was really hoping He didn’t. The Lord was loving and patient and eventually informed me that He simply wanted me to spend some quality time with Him. In that moment I realized how very much I had been neglecting my relationship with Him. How do I do these things????? I am here for HIM and the first week I am here I totally out of it. How can it be easier to trust HIM with the big and not the little? Doesn’t even HE say it is the other way around, that when we trust with the little, we will then trust with the big? I hadn’t noticed my terrible neglect because I have been quite occupied and have been reading the Bible and praying daily, but I have been far from continuously communicating and far from being engrossed in the Word. I read the Bible in the mornings and lately at that time I feel like I have just awoken from a coma. My prayer life this week was sporadic, which is SO STUPID because I know I always need HIM, and in the stressful, new anxiety filled I am in I should be even more keenly aware of that and be gripping to the cRoss that saves.
Anywho, enough about my bondage, let us instead talk about our SAVIOR AND SALVATION! So this morning the Lord woke me up and had me read in Luke, as he has been doing so lately. He awakened my senses to feel His intense closeness, warmth, and love. I cannot describe how wonderful it was! I read Luke 4-5. When I read 4 I didn’t feel like that was the main reason I was reading, although I was reminded by the Lord’s temptation to Rebuke any evil in my midst and send it far away. And I am pretty sure that was some evil hanging around since it seems that recently the prince of darkness has been using my dreams to attack and tempt me and a nightmare actually woke me up (one about Zombies and Vampires) – but what I love SO much is that God uses ALL things for the good of those who love Him. ALL things. He used a nightmare to awaken me to spend the most intimate time with Him I have been graced with since I left America and set the day up for perfection. OH LORD YOU ARE SOOO GOOD! So after I read 4 I felt called to read 5 too, even though I usually only read a chapter a day.
I am so blessed to be HIS! After reading and a time of prayer the Lord told me to go back to sleep. When I woke up it was about 2:30- perfect for me to get ready and go to church and relax a bit.  I ate and talked to Nonna and Elena Borisovna who were amazed at my presence because they thought I must have already left (I usually leave the house before either of them wake up). Nonna told me that she had only woken up an hour earlier. Then I took a shower, got ready and went to church. TO get to this Church (the Ex-Addict “social” Baptist Church) I use 3 metro lines and a tram line. I got there without incident except the building it was in was creepy and slightly reminded me of the apartment building in A Clockwork Orange, and I didn’t know what floor it was on but was in the elevator with another guy so I got off on the fourth and walked down the stairs trying to text someone who knew when I ran into Volodya who asked me where I was going and why I didn’t call I told him I was calling him, and we went in. I thought I was early…. But I was late. 
We meet in an Autoschool. There are too many people for seats so I stood the whole time, although every time someone would look up and see me standing they would offer me their chair. I cried at church I was so happy to be with my Brothers and Sisters in Christ. They call eactoer brother and sister a lot. At first it made me kind of uncomfortable, but that is just because it reminds me of the Mormons that I met in Latvia. But now it just makes me happy. Like today after church when we all were snacking and having chai, a guy walked by and was talking to himself and as he passed me started talking to himself in English then he started laughing and we looked at each other and he said to me in Russian “When I saw my sister I automatically start talking in English!” hehe.
The service was good. I need a new Russian Bible. Well, I guess just a new bible, they use I different translation than me and it is better. Shortly after I got there I man got up and said he was going to talk about service, he then read Mark 2:40-42. The man with leprosy. Exactly what the Lord had called me to Read in Luke when He had me read on. That was the Lord’s way of telling me that this is the church for me. And when I asked if I should go to the other churches to he seemed to be protiv hahah I mean against. (yupp when I mess up I just leave it in these days). So the Lord has given me a church on the First Sunday I successfully go to one!
I got an email today from the church I went to last time I was here and they gave me directions and told me that I was always welcome and that they have an English club on Friday nights and that I am welcome to come anytime and they’d love help. I will pray about whether or not to do that. That somewhat seems perfect to me, but the Lord hasn’t said anything pro about it, so what do I know! I am so filled with JOY!
So back to church! We talked about the faith of the Leper and the deep Love of the Lord and how the Lord touched the Leper instead of using any other method to heal him and we talked about how each of us are like the Leper that in the depth of us being absolutely Unclean, though in our case spiritually unclean, the lord reached out and touched us, which is so intimate and healing to our souls and is exactly what we need and needed. He went on to compare addiction to leprosy which was a beautiful comparison. We sang a lot and as we sang I cried most wonderful, spirit-filled, cathartic tears. Another guy, Nikolai, went up and read from another section of the Bible, but I totally don’t remember where… naughty me. But I truly felt fed today. The Lord is faithful to provide for His children. I know the Lord will always provide for me and I especially feel the promise His provision for this stay in Russia. Dad would like the format of the service. It is very interactive. Whoever is preaching often asks questions so the crowd. At one point a guys said whoever wants to come up and sing can do so now, and a guy came up and led us in a song of worship. After the service I was able to meet some people and they set up some tea and biscuits and sandwiches. I don’t know if I will ever remember everyone’s names… or anyones names for that matter. Ah.. tragic. I talked to a guy from church in the Metro for a bit, he is the one who had given me the CD and he asked me about it. Then I got home and ate and am writing this. I have to admit that walking home from, and even in the Metro I couldn’t help from smile, but at least I didn’t dance like I had wanted to! I am so filled with the LORD’s joy! PRAISE HIS NAME!!! ALL THE EARTH!!!!

I’ve seen six different black guys in 6 days. Cray-cray.

Please be praying that I surrender all! My petty flesh wants to live for itself and is mesmerized by the new environment it is in. Pray that I DIE to MYSELF. I want to be more dead than I have ever been so I can live more fully. I have talked to almost no one about anything about God, except for those at Rehab and those at Church. what a fool I am. Lord, give Wisdom to the Fool.
… and now if people ask I have to tell them I am Baptist…. Honestly I was really holding on to saying I am Presbyterian to avoid the occult connotations. Oh, well, I guess the judgment I may receive is a mild form of suffering for the Cross, so GLORY BE TO GOD!
AH! I love Jesus so much I just wanna talk about this FOREVER and not tell you anything about what I have been idly spending my time doing this week. I am getting sick. Pray for healing.
Paige and I met Nastya, Natasha, and Tanya at the institute. They seem cool and they have all hung out with us outside of school. Nastya and Natasha showed us around the area around the school the day after Tanya did. Hehe. Then on Saturday Tanya and Natasha took us to 2 museums. Nastya wanted to but couldn’t make it. But we didn’t go to the Hermitage yet so I thing we are going to do that another time with them. Then we all parted ways and I went home and got my ATM card rejected 2 times… pray about that… then I asked about getting my hair dyed blue at a local salon and they gave me a card and told me to call which I haven’t done yet. Then I went to Paige’s after buying some flowers because there was a birthday party for Irina, Paige’s … house cousin. So I stayed there until the metros had already closed down because they offered me a ride home and it was swell. The ride home was nauseating, but also amazing because it was almost like a tour for me… haha. I only travel slowly and tiresomely on foot or see nothing because I am underground. Cars! What a novelty! The party was fun! We discussed politics and economics and it seems to be a popular belief here that 9-11 was planned by the American gov’t. I say that based on 1 convo so take it with a grain of salt. So I was asked whether I believed that and also asked why America is in an economic depression. I at first said I didn’t know why, but later after discussing with Paige in English, primarily blamed the war. Paige and I spent much of the time talking together in English and it was good bonding time for us. When we are exploring the city we tend to be on the pissy side, but last night we were laughing a lot and having a really good time. I need to be more Christ-like and less pissy, despite my opinion that is it reactionary. At first I was the only one not drinking wine. I drank juice. It was yummy. When they asked me why I wasn’t drinking wine I said I don’t drink, and when they asked why I said that I work at a Rehabilitation Center for Addicts and Alcoholics and that if I tell them I drink it is bad for them (yeah… I am pretty sure that is the crappy direct translation) so Irina jokingly said Don’t tell them, and I retorted that I also don’t lie….
I like the people we hung out with last night a lot. They were fun and sweet and understanding about my lack of language skills. And the 2 guys there only had half a glass of wine each and then joined me in the juice club. One of the guys even pointed out to me that it seemed l the Russian men and the American girl weren’t drinking, so it seems that only Russian women drink… of course that was discounting Paige, but at least he was making me feel at ease for not drinking. It was an excellent thing to do.
Friday Paige and I ran errands and I ate at Pizza hut for lunch (breakfast and dinner are provided by our host, but not lunch). We also went to a movie theatre and saw
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, in Russian of course. It was pretty good. I don’t know what It is about seeing a movie in the theatre, but it is SO therapeutic to me. It is like I am back in Oklahoma despite the language change. I felt that way in Lativa, and I feel it almost more profoundly here. In Latvia I felt pretty at home when I was at the house, but here even my room feels distinctly foreign. My cultural refuges so far are the movie theater and, strangely enough, the Metro. I feel at home in the metro. The metro has such diverse meaning to me. IT is a perfect place for prayer walking, for soaking up Russian media, faces, and culture, or for putting in headphones and being rocked back and forth into peaceful relaxation. Anyways after the movie it was metro Rush hour but we were way close to my house to Paige came home with me and we watched A Clockwork Orange to while away the time for the Metro to clear out a bit.
Thursday. We went to one class… it was Philosophy and the lecturer talks really fast and it was so hard to understand. SO Paige and I drifted into zone out mode and wrote notes…. which is basically what the other students did too. I cannot focus when no one else is… I am gonna have to scoot up or something if I expect to get anything out of that class. When I am done with writing this note I am going to go pray about which classes to take. Then we were introduced to Nastya and Natasha who showed us around the area, facebook friended us and call us almost every day. They are really sweet. Natasha even bought Paige the Russian version of computer cord she needed so she can now charge her computer.
Seriously. They are SO sweet and SO willing and enthusiastic about hanging out with us! After hanging with them for quite some time they went back to learning, and I went to the Rehab center for the second day in a row. This was the day I met Valera. He is the guy I had been talking back and forth with when I was in America and Latvia. There were a lot of people there this time. It was awesome. We had sandwiches and had tea and talked and it was really swell. I had a hard time understanding and talking… my brain was tired from school and hanging with the girls. I think that much have been the day I wrote the entry to this note. I was sooo beat but couldn’t sleep so I played spider solitaire for like 40 minutes.. ha, and to think I could’ve been spending quality time with Jesus. Silly girl

Well. I love you all! I am hopefully gonna go pray now! Bye!