Mixed Feelings

I am so tired of explaining to people that Psychology is A) useful and B) not evil. With every single new person it is like I am defending a cult (it maybe only with protestants here, but I am not sure)… and that brings me back to most people who aren’t protestant thinking Baptists are a cult… so, what the heck, I am like a part of 2 warring cults I never knew it.
My host family is in Greece right now. This girl Ira is staying with me in lieu of them. She is a dear. She is the one I believe I mentioned earlier (a LONG time ago). She Plays bass and is protestant. Anyways… Last night she and I got into this like 1 hour discussion of psychology. She was seriously fighting it so fervently that it was like against everything she’d ever learned. Plus she mentioned that she had learned in Bible school that is was opposing God or something, and she kept on being like there are no psychologists in the Bible. Then she would say stuff like (when I was explaining Christian Psychology) “so if I learn the science of the brain and I learn what the Bible says about how to think, then I don’t need God do I?” What the crap kind of logic is that? That has nothing to do with anything I tell ya! You can say that about Theology, any science including medicine, and any philosophy… AH! It is just so frustrating to be dealing with this wonderful, passionate, god-seeking woman who thinks I am going into a profession of demon worship or something.
Oh and when I mentioned that some of my pastors back home regularly go to a psychologist it is like I had said some of my pastors back home are heretics. When I explained to her and tried to brush off her misconceptions of what psychology is, especially Christian psychology, she eventually said “We don’t have that kind of psychology here.” What? I will be going to a school that has whole courses on Christian Psychology.
I thought I had made some sort of head way… this morning when she woke me up (which I haven’t been woken up by a human being in months…) she told me about this disk series she has about how we don’t need psychology and she asked if I wanted to hear it. She said it was speakers from America, Britain and Russia. My thought was “Why would I want to listen to that crap tear down my future profession based upon misconceptions and ignorance?” But I just said yes, so I’m sure she’ll supply me with is soon. It is just aggravating.
I am tried of feeling like A)no one understands or B) everyone is against me. Right now Russia feels like a battle field (I dunno maybe it is from Victory Day on Saturday). In addition to it being the typical Spiritual battlefield, I am constantly having to defend my relationship with God, the things he is telling me to do (ie staying here, studying psychology, and MUCH, MUCH MORE), and my field of study in general. I am also going have to soon start fighting the Visa office and all kinds of crap. It doesn’t really matter who I talk to, whether an American or a Russian, no nobody understands what the crap I am doing and why and they either seem to feel hurt that I am doing what I am doing, or seem to think something is seriously wrong with me.
This is of course gross generalizations and just because I am feeling cornered and you all, my dear loving readers, probably shouldn’t put much stock into this post except to see that I am agitated. Sorry I am venting to you, but in this particular moment is seems less daunting to vent to the faceless masses who haven’t even commented on this blog in forever (and thus perhaps I am venting to no one at all but simply writing this as a sort of message in a bottle to nowhere), then to talk to any one specific person who at any given moment in this rant-fest will either make it clear they have no clue what I am talking about, that they vehemently oppose me, or they will have to go do something more important with their time. …In summation (sort of) I would like to write 2 extremely eloquent essays in Russian 1)why Psychology is a helpful tool that God uses and condones and 2) why the crap I have done what I have and how God’s hand is in it. The second one should really be translated into English as well… but since I lack the ability to write anything worth reading in Russian, these two things that seem incredibly important to me to write will probably never get written and I’ll probably just find peace with my actions being misconstrued as something sinister… but I am not resigned to that just yet.

Again, sorry about that. I guess because I don’t have a psychologist right now I am taking it out on you guys. :)

In other news, it was Victory Day on Saturday. I really wanted to go to the Morning Parade, but I was not about to go alone. I called Paige like 10 times as I was in various stages of getting ready, but she never picked up so I gave up and once I was ready I just went back to bed. She called later and apologized. We did end up going to what she and I would consider a Parade, but for some reason the Russians don’t. They call it a demonstration. We went to it and we were kinda far from the road, because all the people were lined up. IT was the first day I didn’t wear any sort of coat at all. The morning was 20 Celsius and Sunny. AMAZING. As the Parade was minutes away storm clouds started brewing. Then a few straight-line winds blew in. Then it started raining a bit. Paige and I agreed that the weather was highly similar to what she and I have experienced in pre-tornadic conditions and while we knew there was not about to be a tornado in St. Pete I guess you could say it made us feel at home. Then is started pouring down. IT was funny because the rain was coming from the opposite direction of the parade, so when we heard screams we thought the parade was really close… until we realized the screams were coming from the opposite direction. Then we felt the down pour and quickly understood the cause of the screams and even made little yelps ourselves. Goodnews was a bunch of people left before the whole thing started so I was right next to the rope that was holding back the masses and right next to one of the soldiers guarding it. That soldier and I were cozy. I was at times practically leaning against him and his body frequently blocked the rain for me. At one point he said something good-naturedly to me but I didn’t recognize any of the words so I just smiled. After the parade was over the gates to the metro were closed. So we walked to another metro and then on the way to Paige’s home I bought the Scream trilogy (sad I know but there are no dvd stores by Paige’s place to I had to buy it at a phone and electronics store… it was a lot cheaper there though… but it also didn’t have any English options). So we dried of at Paige’s and watched the first two Screams in Russian and ate the junk and grapes we had bought at Diksi. Yesterday I went to church, then Pizza&Pasta.com with Paige, we found a park by here place and people watched, and then I went to church again. Then I came home and we ate blin and said goodbye to my family and talked to Ira about psychology….. grrr. :)



HAha. I get so worked up sometimes. 
I wrote that this morning.

Anyways, I’ve had a delightful day!! After I wrote you all I took a shower. I was alone in the house so I sang, yelled, and talked to/at/with God as was appropriate. It was not a highpoint of my life as far as the emotion spectrum goes but the Holy Spirit isn’t called our Counselor for nothing. :) So things got better. God calmed me down and reminded me that He is God and affirmed what He has called me to do the a much needed 1000th time. 
Aleksey had called me when I was in the shower, but I just ignored it and pretended that God wanted to play me a happy song. After my in-shower counseling session I called him back he cheered me up too. It we talked for like 15 minutes and he made me laugh for about 14 of those. :) And if any of you has seen me in a bad mood, you know how impressive of an accomplishment that is. He was at his new church until late last night and he really, really likes it there. I think he was going fishing when I was calling him and he was fishing when I called him yesterday too. I guess he really enjoys fishing, which is highly idyllic to me… but I am not so sure that he actually likes fish. One time he told me the best fish was a sausage. I am inclined to agree, and that sounds like something Grandpa would say :) I dunno but it is good that he has a productive way of spending his time.
Oh, be praying for Seryozha. He is living at home, he moved out from the brothers a while back because he thought he had a job lined up. Well, 3 people basically tell him they need him to work for them and then they never call back. This is of course very aggravating and confusing to him and he is concerned because especially since he has a past of heroin addiction, being home all the time with nothing to do is a really bad situation for him to be in. I don’t pretend to know what God is hoping to accomplish by this situation but I know Seryozha’s prayer is for a good job and quick. :)
Anyways, after talking to him I straightened some stuff up and made myself some scrambled egg, oatmeal, and nuked bread. After I ate I tried to post this but the internet won’t let me do anything I want to. I can’t get on facebook, my email, my bank account, or sign into my blog. So, I called my mommy! She was HAPPY!!! I haven’t really heard her really and truly happy in a while so that was WONDERFUL. Then I did the dishes and did some surfing online. Then I watched one of the last songs in Kill Bill 1 because I have been wanting to hear that song for a long time. IT really made me wanna watch the whole movies but I stopped it. Then I got out my Russian grammar book and got to work. I already did almost all of my Russian homework on Friday night (don’t judge me… I was actually excited about this new grammatical structure), but I always need to work on my Russian grammar when I have a chance to I finally went back to that Russian grammar book I bought and did a bit on it. I really need to study grammar harder!!!! I guess today was a baby step. Then I called Jenny Hartsell! Yea!! IT was swell! I only had 7 minutes with her but they were great. Kristina called me and we’re gonna meet before the parent meeting. Normally I would go to the intake… but meeting Kristina sounds better to be honest,
I’ve been home alone with Jesus all day (except when Ira talked to me while I was still in bed)! It has been WONDERFUL!! YEA!!!! Yea Jesus! Yea chillin’! Yea for Kristina FINALLY being back! Yea for Russian Grammar!
Yesterday when I called home for Mother’s Day I finally got to talk to my dear Grandmommie! It was nice. She said she wishes I would come home, and I could honestly say me too. I am pretty fatigued when I think about it and I am really excited to get out of Russia for the Summer. I never thought I would say such a thing, and sometimes when I sit on the beach at Ozerki I think that I should never have the need to leave because there are so many relaxing places the Lord has supplied me with. But I would really like to get away from this life I’m living here. It is a great life and all, but I need a break. I am warn out. I would love to be at home with my family and friends and Tybalt and with Tornadoes and all. Today is a testament that despite this wariness, God will always give me the strength, peace, and joy I need to get through and do what He wants. His will is better than mine and, praise God, HE is a loving and compassionate God and will see me through to the end. Gotta go.